I hate those list that give the “top __ reasons black men are single” list. They must be stopped. These lists for single people tend to always blame the opposite sex for the reason one sex is single. They blame someone’s single-ness on the way others treat them instead of basing them on the interest, habits, and miscues of the subject.
I have recently checked out an article about why “good” black men are single. These articles tend to be written in a way that assumes that we all know what a “good” man is. As a MAN– not just a black man—I am clueless as to what a good black man is. In some discussions, a “good” black man is simply a gainfully-employed and available black man. An employed black man is not necessarily a “good” one. Also, these articles tend not to clarify what “bad” men are. Are they men who are not gainfully employed? Men who have been unwilling to make commitments to their past partners? Men who have multiple sexual partners? Any answer to those questions still does not answer to whether the gentleman is “good.”
One painfully visible point these articles miss: You don’t find out a “good” guy is a “bad” guy until he does something “bad” and vice versa. Being a “good” or “bad” guy are not rigid confines, as men and woman are capable of being both, whatever that means. You are one person away from becoming either. Just like certain workers thrive in certain conditions and struggle in others, becoming a good or bad man is dependent on a variety of factors. Thus, the same men you have in mind on this list can be the same men they have in mind on this list.
But I am going to settle the argument for good and provide 11 simple reasons for why “good” PEOPLE men are single (if they are single, these articles tend not to have data, either). These reasons are focusing on the behavior of men, not how others treat them.
1. They are too busy and/or distracted to be in a relationship.
2. They enjoy being single. They don’t want a relationship and/or are not ready for one.
3. They meet prospective partners in environments not best-suited for their personality – if you are quiet and reserved, meeting people at bars probably will not work.
4. Hesitant to approach people they find attractive.
5. Narrow-minded in the type of partner they want. Constricting their potential partners to race, shape, size, class, creed, etc.
6. Scared of rejection
7. They prefer for partners to approach them
8. Not assertive or confident enough.
9. They don’t recognize a good partner when they see one (shocker! Good people can be horrible at selecting partners too?)
10.They have not met and/or are waiting for the right person.
11. A ton of other reasons that vary based on the personality of the INDIVIDUAL.
Oftentimes, the reasons why black men are single are the exact same reasons why white, Asian, and Hispanic men are single. They can also be the exact same reasons why women are single. They usually are. It’s that simple.
Though I am certain not to solve the question for good, I think we should stop generalizing. They only promote stereotypes about how we treat each other, and often enable a single person, who is interested in finding a life-partner, to evade their own behavior in explaining their dissatisfaction with their romantic life.